Mom's talk

Well Mom called today on her way home from work. Seems she just had to join dad in having one of those uber meaningful conversations about life lessons. It's not that I mind, it's just odd. I mean Mom and I are close but these things just don't come up unless something is up. That something is 50. I suppose turning a half century has a tendency to make one reflect upon their life and accomplishments or lack there of. The greatest thing my parents ever did was create my sister and I so it's understandable to reflect on that. All of this just happens to coincide with changes in my life. I've made it no mystery that I have an interest in travel. Well I have taken more steps toward that than they have ever witnessed. I think they worry that one of my destinations may become permanent. I can't say that their worry isn't relevant. I have spent my free time consumed with working out so many details of what I want to do over the next several months. I have a lot to work to do that's for sure. There is a saying; shit or get off the pot and that applies here! I'll be honest, planning is not my strong suite. I do better when I just execute that way I don't over think it. And that my friends is my biggest problem. I over think EVERYTHING.

So to come full circle here, let me elaborate a bit of what Mom had to say. She reviewed her life for me in brief. Seems her biggest risk has made her both full of happiness and yet harbors some sense of guilt. You see in 1994 my mom got remarried. Well this is always a big deal and I took it really hard. I left to go live with my dad. A few months later she moved to Kentucky. For me it was absolutely devastating. I felt lost without my mother. My time with my dad was volatile to say the least. This lead to a relationship that was rocky until recently. Well I was a mix of anger and sadness while dealing with the change. Throw in being a teenager and lookout, explosions highly likely. So for my mom life began anew by moving away but she has always felt guilty for leaving me behind. She doesn't regret moving but it's hard for her to talk about. So this came up today. I explained to her that I have no issues regarding that whole event. I can see things with adult eyes now and I totally understand. I conveyed to her that it is my belief that by her moving it created a stronger bond between us. To this day she need only think about me and 9 times out of 10 I will call. I think...err hope she believes me when I say it's okay. Point is, she found happiness in that decision. This was emphasized to me today. She said let nothing stop you from finding your path, the path only you can walk down. She asked me to reflect on what has led me to this point in my life.

I can say with certainty that I am doing exactly what I feel I should be doing at this moment, meaning I am heading toward a direction that feels more than right...feels natural. Can I say for certain where I will be this time next year? No, but the world is a big place and I am ready to go!